Saturday, January 11, 2014

Coffee

I've been drinking a lot of coffee lately.  I like it.  I am not sure if I like it because it wakes me up or if it is because the topic of coffee fills in a lot of “grown up” conversations these days.  I am getting more and more antisocial.  I recently decided to cut down on drinking alcohol.  That isn't what has changed my behavior.  No, in fact the most drinking I have done is on my own at home.  I suppose that sounds depressing.  But it isn't.  I’d much rather be drunk, listen to the music I want to, and not have some discussion with someone else telling me their drunk opinions that I don’t give a fuck about.  Or pretending to like someone or make them interesting when the only way it works is by drinking so much I don't remember them at all the next day.  Instead I'm giving it up because I wanted to.  I guess I'm not really “giving it up” per se, but we are taking some time apart.  I started making myself pretty sick and the two bottles of wine wasn’t cutting it anymore.  I’d be puking and shaky for days after.  So I just decided enough was enough.  If I were honest and open about that with a lot of people they would probably tell me that I should go to AA.  Well that is stupid.  I mean, I am sure it works out for some people but not me.  I feel like it is a club of a bunch of people I have nothing in common with.  Except drinking….but I mean if we are going by that definition then I probably belong to a shit ton of clubs.  I haven’t missed my wine.  I thought I would.

I used to use a lot of cocaine.  I liked coke.  I liked it a lot.  I did it every day from sunrise to sunfall…and a lot in between.  I see these bullshit posters a bunch of girls make that take about watching the sunset or sunrise.  It’s in a pretty font and often shared on places like pinterest or facebook.  Every time I see one I think “hmmm they’ve never done drugs.”   I don’t think anyone has seen the sunrise and sunsets more than those who have dabbled in a drug or two.   Sunsets were always awesome.  Sunrises usually came with a lot of guilt and coming down is never fun.  So sometimes you pull a bender. 

Yet, with my love affair of cocaine, one day I just woke up and thought “I don’t want to do this anymore”  It wasn’t some great epiphany or anything amazing.   I wasn't thinking “there is so much more to life than this!!!”.   No, it basically came from a place of laziness.  I decided maybe I loved sleep and money more than nightlife and being broke.  So I stopped.  End of story. 

Same thing with cigarettes.  I feel bad that most of the people I know are governed by them.   I smoked because I liked to.  It was nice for awhile, way better when I was drunk.   I did spend some time in my life buying cigarette packs daily.  But I don’t exactly know why.  Oh wait, that was probably in the coke phase.  That would explain it.  That dwindled down more and more and more.  Then I realized I was smoking a pack a week.  So I woke up one morning and thought, “this is really dumb”.  So I quit.

I suppose I am lucky in the area of will power.  But it isn't even will power.  It’s more or less I let a part of who I think I am go.  I let something define me and take up my time.  It’s easy to fall into categories that way.  It’s easier to make friends and have things to do.  How many people am I going to find who like to go antiquing?  Not too many.  How many people can I find to drink and party with?  Usually whoever you run into is down for some kind of genre in the art of partying.  

I guess that the older I am getting the less I am into hanging out with people for superficial reasons.  I am even less into hanging out with people to just hang out.  I know who I like.  I have friends who have been my friends forever.  They aren't based around any of these things.  They also aren't based on talking about old times and bringing them up constantly.  I mean, my friends and I do engage in that every so often.  However, we are comfortable with each other.  Not on a boring level, but on a level that I can sit and say nothing with them or I can list every thing on my mind.  We get each other and we care.  Even though I really like being alone and being antisocial is my new favorite thing.  I like those people. 


So to sum things up….coffee, less drinking, antisocial, sticking with old friends.