I've been drinking a lot of coffee lately. I like it.
I am not sure if I like it because it wakes me up or if it is because the
topic of coffee fills in a lot of “grown up” conversations these days. I am getting more and more antisocial. I recently decided to cut down on
drinking alcohol. That isn't what has changed my
behavior. No, in fact the most drinking
I have done is on my own at home. I
suppose that sounds depressing. But it isn't. I’d much rather be drunk, listen to the music
I want to, and not have some discussion with someone else telling me their
drunk opinions that I don’t give a fuck about. Or pretending to like someone or make them interesting when the only way it works is by drinking so much I don't remember them at all the next day. Instead I'm giving it up because I wanted to. I guess I'm not really “giving it up” per se,
but we are taking some time apart. I
started making myself pretty sick and the two bottles of wine wasn’t cutting it
anymore. I’d be puking and shaky for
days after. So I just decided enough was
enough. If I were honest and open about
that with a lot of people they would probably tell me that I should go to
AA. Well that is stupid. I mean, I am sure it works out for some
people but not me. I feel like it is a
club of a bunch of people I have nothing in common with. Except drinking….but I mean if we are going by
that definition then I probably belong to a shit ton of clubs. I haven’t missed my wine. I thought I would.
I used to use a lot of cocaine. I liked coke.
I liked it a lot. I did it every
day from sunrise to sunfall…and a lot in between. I see these bullshit posters a bunch of girls
make that take about watching the sunset or sunrise. It’s in a pretty font and often shared on
places like pinterest or facebook. Every
time I see one I think “hmmm they’ve never done drugs.” I don’t think anyone has seen the sunrise
and sunsets more than those who have dabbled in a drug or two. Sunsets were always awesome. Sunrises usually came with a lot of guilt and
coming down is never fun. So sometimes
you pull a bender.
Yet, with my love affair of cocaine, one day I just woke up
and thought “I don’t want to do this anymore”
It wasn’t some great epiphany or anything amazing. I wasn't thinking “there is so much more to
life than this!!!”. No, it basically
came from a place of laziness. I decided
maybe I loved sleep and money more than nightlife and being broke. So I stopped.
End of story.
Same thing with cigarettes.
I feel bad that most of the people I know are governed by them. I smoked because I liked to. It was nice for awhile, way better when I was
drunk. I did spend some time in my life
buying cigarette packs daily. But I don’t
exactly know why. Oh wait, that was
probably in the coke phase. That would
explain it. That dwindled down more and
more and more. Then I realized I was
smoking a pack a week. So I woke up one
morning and thought, “this is really dumb”.
So I quit.
I suppose I am lucky in the area of will power. But it isn't even will power. It’s more or less I let a part of who I think
I am go. I let something define me and
take up my time. It’s easy to fall into
categories that way. It’s easier to make
friends and have things to do. How many
people am I going to find who like to go antiquing? Not too many.
How many people can I find to drink and party with? Usually whoever you run into is down for some
kind of genre in the art of partying.
I guess that the older I am getting the less I am into
hanging out with people for superficial reasons. I am even less into hanging out with people
to just hang out. I know who I like. I have friends who have been my friends forever. They aren't based around any of these
things. They also aren't based on
talking about old times and bringing them up constantly. I mean, my friends and I do engage in that
every so often. However, we are comfortable
with each other. Not on a boring level,
but on a level that I can sit and say nothing with them or I can list every
thing on my mind. We get each other and
we care. Even though I really like being
alone and being antisocial is my new favorite thing. I like those people.
So to sum things up….coffee, less drinking, antisocial,
sticking with old friends.
